Death

It's not yet 1 o'clock and yet I am having a stiff drink.
I awoke to loud banging at around 8:30 am.

Shadow, the stoner cat...she loved catnip, was literally throwing herself against a wall.
I took her and laid her on my bed and began to pet her.

It became evident she was suffering "seizures"  of some sort. I sat with her trying to relieve her pain and stress. It tore at my heart. The vet had nothing but very expensive, "maybes."

Yeah Death sucks. Part of life, blah, blah, blah.
And I am struck by a weird dichotomy building within.
I am so hurt, I think more than if Shadow were human; and there lies the rub.

I hear voices.
"It's just a cat."
"We could go into large debt and still not affect a good outcome."

Would I worry about money when a human is involved?
Of course not. So why did that thought even cross my mind? If we can spare the animal pain and treat it, who cares about money? Worry about the outcome and the money later.

Just a cat?
The fuck?
I am sure Shadow never thought of me as anything but the same albeit larger member of the species we all share.

Me? I fought for treatment until I felt overruled when the I was hung up upon.


I do not subscribe to public displays when the emotions are so intimate. I don't make love in public, I do not want to mourn in public.

But I do want to acknowledge life, no matter how foreign, is a link in a vast web.
We are all connected.