When in the midst of any crisis I find my mind closes out all but the issue at hand. I guess in an survival situation this might be preferable but in the regular run-of-the-mill world it wastes more energy and time than I can afford.
When things are going especially well I am insanely grateful. I find the time and the energy to reflect and be happy with my lot in life.
And after the crisis/upswell fades I fall back into the "daily persona."
Somewhat unaware. Looking for faults, scabs to pick.
Why am I not celebrating the small victories?
There are thousands of opportunities each and every day to find a smile inducing moment. Why not choose them? Laugh or cry. Perhaps that is too binary.
As the shine wore off having some form of income and employment I found myself looking for and finding faults. This kid is too haughty, this one is lazy, too self involved...
I'm hot. When is the shift over?
Wait, why am I seeing things this way? I am being binary.
Perhaps the kid is fearful of me. Perhaps his life has caused a self defensive wall to be raised. Who knows but in both cases I am making assumptions and not - just being me.
I decide I am happy to be here. And that each face before me could use a smile.
The shine returned. I hum when I am standing there.
The sense of being grateful bloomed. Self curation.
The kids faces didn't change much but my attitude has and I understand why.
Now to apply this to my music.
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