I AM Good.

We are own worst critics. We, being everyone...anyone. Few people walk around telling others how good they are. Well, some do. We, the rest of us, classify them as obnoxious pains in the ass.

It is hard for one to accept praise without a tiny voice screaming, "What do they want?"
Tell Clapton that he is God and it makes him uncomfortable. Fawning makes performers uneasy. It is classic...ulterior motives or sycophant? Wait, they are the same-ish.

Artists want to see unbridled joy, true appreciation of their art. Someone that finds a personal connection between the music I make and their life.
If words in a song strike a resonant chord, it is plainly visible in the audiences faces. In the energy they exhibit.

I have been told since I was eight, that I have a musical gift. I was picking tunes out on the piano when I was five.
Most of the time my reaction is, "Awww shucks, thanks..."
But you file it under, "They have no clue and I am not good..."

One day, it comes to you. If you make someone smile, you are good. Does it matter WHY they smile?
Does it matter that the tune evokes a feeling that is the polar opposite of theirs? Does Klimt care what I got from his art? Does Frank Zappa laugh at me or with me?
I am good.
I have a good ear and a decent sense of rhythm. I can think and play. I can zone and play. I can play with a feminist doing C&W tunes. I can play with a steel drum band.
I am not as good as other players. Of that, I am certain.
But I do know, I am good, I know what I can do...I know what people expect and can deliver.

Where to go from here?
I have learned more this year than the past twenty years combined. I have re-evaluated myself and my music. Taken new directions in my explorations.
I have discovered long hidden truths. Several of them.
I have changed the sound I make, in terms of tonality. I have changed the sound I make in terms of drive...soul, what my heart and mind want to say.

I think next year, is a year to focus on movement. Physical, mental movement. A new band.
A band. Not just gigging as they come but a working band.
A collection of my material. Complete cessation of covers in public.
Covers of up and comers?
Wait...James Maddock...Caleb Haweley...Bob Kasper...They each have tunes I could cover and no one would hear anything but a new song.
OoOoOo...I am smiling at the endless possibilities.

(Hey, I googled "Bob Kasper" and that's what I got.)